Why the Apple Watch Isn't Selling.


10:52 AM 8/1/2015 — I don't own an Apple Watch. In point of fact, I don't own a smart phone or anything that utilizes what are commonly called “apps”. In point of further fact, I don't own anything that any millennial worthy of the title would call a “device”. I do have a cell phone, which is my only phone, having successfully liberated myself from needing any kind of phone line coming into my house; but, it's what was back in “the day” (meaning my day) called a flip phone. It's a prepaid account, which is the cheapest according to the cellular company representative who sold it to me five years ago. It does one thing: makes and receives phone calls.
     So, now you know the lack of expertise brought to bare regarding my conclusion as to why Apple can't sell it's Watch. The short answer is: Liberalism. Here's how my uninformed reasoning goes:
     Watch (no pun intended) any four Apple Watch commercials. What are the people in them doing? They're monitoring their pulse rate. They're checking how far they jog. They're counting calories and carbs. In the few instances where communication is being conducted, it's usually to coordinate some sort of exercise regimen or find the nearest Vegan Tofu stand. In other words, Apple has decided to market the Watch as a high-tech health-o-meter.
     Now, consider what the competition shows people doing with their devices in their commercials. They're checking sports scores. They're sending and receiving e-mails. They're looking up stock quotes. They're reading the latest headlines. They're monitoring the location of their kids. They're ordering pizzas. They're also, believe it or not, talking on the phone.
     When the initial announcement of the Apple Watch was made, everyone got excited about the prospect of video chatting with someone on your wrist like Dick Tracy. Maybe the Apple Watch can do that, I don't know. But it's certain that nothing like that has ever been featured in any Apple commercial.
     What does all this have to do with liberalism? Simple. Liberalism—the current version, anyway—is all based on the desire of the elite to shape and control the lives of others: what we eat, what we think, how we live. Liberalism isn't about what any of us want, it's about what every one of us should want for the benefit of the common good. Obama-care is the darling of liberalism because it links all of life to the common good in order to achieve ultimate control over the masses. Are you eating an unhealthy diet and not exercising enough? If so, you're not just hurting yourself, you're hurting all of us because the added cost to the system of your blood pressure medicine or bypass lowers the standard of care the rest of us receive; therefore, your unhealthy lifestyle is no longer just something ill-advised for you personally, it's a crime.
     Obviously, those responsible for marketing the Apple Watch have thrown their lot in with the elites, confident you and I want to be elite as well. That's how they've convinced themselves that we'll not only tolerate an app that tells us when we're too sedentary, but that we actually want to be alerted when we're sitting too long. Call me an alarmist, but I have no doubt that somewhere, in some windowless basement of Apple, there's someone working there who actually envisions a time when a device like an Apple Watch will be required of all citizens, linked to the Department of Health & Human Services, alerting the authorities when any of us chows down on an illegal cheese steak or sits in one place for too long.
     In the mean time, sales of the Apple Watch will continue to disappoint, not because it isn't an amazing device that does remarkable things, but because liberals, thank God, are not yet willing to compromise their ideology to achieve success. For us unwashed plebeians, that's good news.